Category Archives: Question? Here’s My Answer

Is it the end of law for you?

It’s the number 1 question that I hear these days, when I’m out with different individuals/group of people.

My question is, “So what if it is?” 

You (in general) may/must be thinking that I’ve wasted three years of my life studying Law. It seems that they fail to remember that it’s not just Law I studied. To put it accurately, I studied Law AND Management.

What is it that I wasted?

The word “waste” never once came to mind.

What’s so bad about pursuing a world class degree in Business and Management studies?

There’s nothing to be ashamed of. I believe that I’m putting what I’ve learnt into good use so that nothing will go to waste.  And yes, Business Law is supposedly one of the Year 1 modules but since I’m exempted from Year 1, I don’t have to go through it again. Lessons wise.

I respect my former peers who are currently pursuing Law and I sincerely wish them all the best in whatever they do.

“Commercial Break” – ONE

Now, let’s take a minute off the seriousness the previous post left lingering here.

Do’s and don’t’s when hanging out with Verisa?

People who know me, who hang out with me, who spend time with me, slowly but surely have experienced for themselves the kind of person I am.

1. Do or don’t?

I realized that one by one has learnt that it’s better to keep me in the dark what their needs, wants, likes and wishes are. They try to prevent me from getting them random gifts by keeping quiet.

Random gifts? Well, it’s the only time I feel like a professor!

They call it generosity. The generous me finds it difficult to be less generous or stop being generous altogether because I find that inappropriate. By surprising people with random gifts, I’m not flaunting my wealth or anything of the sort.

The only reason that I’m wealthy is because of God’s overflowing and undying love and grace for me. Without God, I’m nothing. Like when food is only nice when shared, wealth is only purposeful when shared with others.

So when randomly walking into a shop, individuals now have the tendency to hold back on their comments on the random things they find “cool“, “nice” or “cute“. To them, saying “I want to buy _________ or maybe not…” is like forbidden! They know that I’ll be quietly watching them, like a predator eyeing on its prey, waiting for the chance to strike.

Awwww, c’mon, where’s the fun? Where’s the LOVE? 

Conclusion, say or not to say? Please do, otherwise I won’t have ideas on what to buy for your next birthday or say, Christmas! Hahahahaha. 

It All Comes Down To One Reason

I remember how my current best friend, at the time when we were no more than ordinary friends, used to use the word “cautious” to describe me. When the word “cautious” was first uttered, I merely admitted to being the “cautious” person she believed I was. My admittance was unaccompanied with any sort of explanation. It was left hanging, on its own.

Something made me write this post, and it’s actually the saying,

Life is unpredictable.

I’m not taking this opportunity to grouse about my life, and neither am I suggesting that I owe others an explanation, I just thought that to enable people (who care) to understand me (better), I should be less oracular.

You know, if any of my poly-mates met me earlier, say, a few years prior to the start of our Polytechnic term in April 2009, they would’ve known my friendship history. Messy. Painful. For 2 years, one of my then best friends made me believe that I was the most blessed person on Earth before she put an abrupt end to our little fairytale.

People often say, “life is unpredictable”, I was aware of that too, until she managed to convince me that life was predictable as long as we had control of it. We took the wheel and made everything go exactly the way we envisioned it to be. I lived every day believing that nothing would go wrong because we were in control.

I am a fool when it comes to best-friendships because I’d give my all that when it crumbles, I go along with it.

Based on someone else’s mistake and my failure to be there for her on one occasion, she decided to disown me. Just like that. It was my very own belief that betrayed me. I fell from cloud nine and was reduced to someone pathetic.

From someone who used to be standing on the front-line, fighting side by side with her best friend; someone who used to be indispensable to her; and someone who used to take responsibility for making sure that she lived her life to the fullest, that very someone became a no one in her eyes. I was that someone. I honestly didn’t know who to put the blame on but trust me, I’m not trying to make myself  sound like I was the only victim. I know it was difficult and painful for her too.

I used to have a bad habit of attacking (i.e. punching) the wall in a fit of hysterical anger, be it with myself or with others that matter. I recall the amount of strength I used to punch the wall till the paint came off on the day I got  disowned. It came so suddenly, without any warning. I admit to blaming her for my sorry plight though not for long because I loved her too much.

It’s difficult and almost impossible to get angry with someone you truly love and care about.

It took her a year and her friends to publicly humiliate me for hurting her to realize that we shouldn’t have ended the way we did. Horrible nightmare. It was good to know that she missed me;  missed seeing us spend every day together; and missed being one of my top priorities, but really, what’s the point of telling me all that after leaving me out in the streets to die? Why all the pother?

So there you go, it took me two bitter experiences (one of them untold) to automatically become someone “cautious”. I dared not open up to anyone because I was afraid of being betrayed again. Betrayed by belief and faith I have in a friendship with someone.

Once or twice is enough, a third time’s a suicide.

I never really shared my story with anyone in the Polytechnic, I don’t want to be pitied on. Besides, I didn’t think it’d matter until recently. The impact my experiences had on me, I could still feel it like it was just yesterday. It’s not like I bear or hold grudges, it’s just that sometimes my memory’s too good for own good. Memories like those have gotten the better of me.

I was too naive, too trusting. I was the fool I never thought I’d become. Decisions I made revolve around her. She was the reason why I turned down the migration offer. Back then, in our fairytale, I was sure that everything was worth it, that she was worth my sacrifice, my 100% attention. But look at the mess she got me into, I lost myself. I wasn’t sure any more, why don’t you tell me?

Wracked by sudorific thoughts, I found myself tossing and turning on my bed, and for some reason, frustrated with myself until I grew weary.

But you must know that my fear is no more than a reminder. A reminder that I should never take anything for granted; a reminder that I should never be too full of myself. I told myself to distance myself from people so that I wouldn’t have to see myself caught in the same kind of situation as I unexpectedly did back then. I swore off best friends until I got to know Jen and a year later, Jas.

It was like a turning point for me.

Find out why in the next post… (I’m tired of forming sentences! “Lousy” as Jas would say to me, hahaha)

At the end of the everything, though life is unpredictable, God’s love for us is always steady.

“Who Are You Avoiding?”

I’m not avoiding anyone in particular so maybe that’s why I said “I think I’m subconsciously keeping a distance from everyone.”

Make that distance an equal distance.

There’s a saying that goes something like,

sometimes you have to walk away to see who cares enough to go after you.

I’m not the type who’d walk away just to convince myself that my presence is worth something because I realized that in this world, many only care about themselves. People are self-centered. But having said that, I know I’m always the type who’d be the one going after another, telling him/her to stay.

And then there’s another saying that says,

if you want to know who your true friends are, screw up big time and see how many of them remain.

Again, I’m one who always stays behind no matter what happens. Truth be told, I’m tired of doing things that way.

Why? Because people always end up taking me for granted. Because they know that nothing will make me leave them, it’s like I’m forever there. It happens almost all the time I know I’m supposed to be immune to it but I’m not. Not really. And sometimes a part of me is left to wonder, “what if one day people don’t find me there anymore?”

“What if one day I decide to just turn my back against them and see if that makes any difference?”

But one of my weaknesses is that I can’t seem to walk away even if I’m hurt. So yeah.

And just so you know, when I do things for you, I do it willingly and it’s nothing obligatory. Perhaps you should start asking yourself if it’s the same when you do things for me.

Because if everything’s based on your obligation(s) as a friend or whatever, then I suggest you better not do it for me.  

It’s like, thanks but, no thanks.